Go On Pretending
by Fire The Canon
Summary: She'll just go on pretending; pretending to be happy, pretending to be okay. She's become good at it lately. Pretending. For All Time Low and Favourite Genre Boot Camp. SeamusLavender.


_**Written for TrueBeliever831's All Time Low Competition (I got the song "Actors")**_

_**Written for Gamma Orionis' Favourite Genre Boot Camp (Post-war) using the prompt 'Winnan - to struggle, fight'**_

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**Go On Pretending**

"It's okay," he whispered in her ear as he guided her down Diagon Alley. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," she answered calmly, trying her best to ignore the people who were staring at her. One child even cried when she passed him.

She bit her lip, more terrified than she'd ever been in her life. Once upon a time ago, people would stare at her because they thought she was beautiful. Now, they stared because of the scars etched on her face from where _he_ bit her. Fenrir Greyback, his name was.

She'd never forget that name.

"Are you okay?" the young man beside her whispered.

She nodded. He'd been a godsend to her these past months, coming to visit her in St. Mungo's almost every day since she'd been admitted. He'd sit by her side, hold her hand, fill her in on everyone else.

He'd tell her stories. Some were heroic, others were tragic. They all made her cry.

She didn't remember much of what had happened that fateful day. One moment, she had been throwing curses at the werewolf and the next, she was lying in a hospital bed in the wizarding hospital.

A nice, warm, safe hospital bed...

And then he had shown up. The sweet, young man she had grown to care about while hiding in the Room of Requirement for all those months. He'd seen her fall, he said. He'd seen her fall to the werewolf and he cried.

He cried for _her_.

He told her she was beautiful anyway, and that it didn't matter that every full moon, her mood would change and she'd feel as if there was an animal inside of her, waiting to escape.

It never did, though. The animal remained firmly inside, probably waiting for the right moment to attack.

What if it attacked him? What if she hurt him?

She never told him that that was what frightened her the most, though. She pretended to be happy.

She _was_ happy with him. He loved her and, if she was being honest, she loved him too. She just didn't want to hurt him.

Never.

He sensed her nervousness and squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. "Do you remember coming here?" he asked. They'd stopped out the front of the famous wand shop. Everybody got their wands from Ollivander's. She had and she was pretty sure he had too.

She nodded. "Yes," she said weakly. Back then, she had been nothing but an innocent eleven-year-old, excited to be starting her first year at Hogwarts.

Oh, how things had changed.

The war was over now and everyone was getting back to their lives. Harry Potter was a hero, as were his two best friends.

Ron...

She'd cared about him once before. She'd cared about him a lot, but he'd always cared about Granger more.

She didn't blame him, though. Hermione was brilliant. She was smart and loyal and brave. Who wouldn't want that?

"Maybe one day, our own children will be coming here."

Her eyes widened at the thought. They'd only been dating a few months. He'd only found the courage to tell her how he truly felt a few weeks ago. And now he was thinking about children.

He seemed to read her expression and added quickly, "Oh, I don't mean _our_ children, I meant... ours..." He trailed off, realising he wasn't going to win either way. "My point is, it's good to see everything getting back on track."

She had to agree with that... almost. Everything was _almost_ back on track.

Everything except her.

He pressed his lips to her temple as they continued walking. "You are so brave," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Brave? Brave was the last thing she felt.

"Coming out here, facing the world again after everything that has happened. You are amazing."

She didn't say anything for a long moment. Truthfully, she didn't want to be here. She'd much rather be at home, curled up safely in her bed, away from prying eyes. But she didn't dare say that. She simply smiled.

"Yeah."

"No, I mean it!" he continued, seeming to understand. "I've watched you fight every day. I've watched you struggle to survive, then fight your fears of the full moon – of what you think you've become. And yet, here you are, standing here with me, putting those fears aside."

_But it's just acting!_ she wanted to scream. _I'm just pretending!_

But she didn't.

"I try," she said instead.

He seemed satisfied with this. "And that's all you can do," he told her. "It will get better eventually; especially when you have so many people around who love you."

Who? She had him – her angel – and she had her family. A few friends who had survived the war dropped by every once in a while. But she saw the way they looked at her. They tried not to be scared, but she saw it in their eyes. They were terrified.

Together, they continued on down the street. She couldn't remember seeing it so busy in years. It was the first time she had seen so many people since You-Know-Who began terrorising everyone. It was as if they were just beginning to feel safe again.

Oh, how she wished she could too.

"Can we go?" she whispered after they'd reached the end of the main street. There were still people staring, some even pointing. She hated it.

He looked around, taking in everything. He seemed to notice those who were watching, because his eyes narrowed. "On your way!" he snapped at them. Most were nothing but curious children, who scuttled at his sharp tone.

"Thank you," she said.

"That's okay," he replied. "They had no right to stare. You're beautiful."

"No, I'm not," she said. _Not anymore_.

"You are," he promised, pressing his lips to hers. "And don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise." He squeezed her hand. "You did well today," he then said. "Tomorrow, we may even get a little further."

She nodded, feeling maybe a hint of hope inside of her. She'd made it this far, so maybe one day she could make it all the way.

But in the meantime, she will just go on pretending. She will pretend that everything is better than it actually is.

After all, she's done it for this long.

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_**Apparently I can only write Seamus/Lavender when I don't use their names... This actually fit so perfectly into my head canon it's not funny. I've had this idea in my head for ages and when I was given the pairing and then googled the lyrics of the song, I just wanted to cry because it was amazingly perfect lol. **_

_**Please leave a review. I'd appreciate your thoughts!**_


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